our circle is big, sometimes small, despite the same number of people.
I CANNOT IDENTIFY THE THE FEELING OF DYING AS A BODY PROCESS. THE ACTION OF DYING IS WITH OUT DIRECTION, MOMENTUM, GRAVITY, OR SHAPE. I FEEL RUNNING OR YEARNING BUT CANNOT IDENTIFY A KINESTHETIC EXPERIENCE WITH DYING. DYING IS LIKE SEEING. I LOOK AT A DIAGRAM OF HOW THE EYEBALL WORKS YET WHAT DOES IT REALLY TELL ME ABOUT SEEING?
DYING IS OUR COMMON DENOMINATOR. DYING IS ALWAYS AFFECTING OUR BEING YET FEW CAN DESCRIBE THE FEELING ITS ACTIVITY GENERATES. FREE FROM THE SEDUCTION OF A PHYSICAL FEELING OF DYING WE ARE THUS LIBERATED FROM "DOING" OR "NOT DOING".
(...)
DYING JUST "IS".
the following happened one evening in the early 1970's, while i am under the influence of mescaline:
(...) Tonight i am alone.
a group of people suddenly appear standing in a circle by the wood stove. there is a leader - an old man in a tall pointed hat. although i am seated in a lotus position on my bed, my psyche joins the circle and a great and perfect humming immediately ensues. i am held in this audible embrace until i feel myself begin to whant to know what is happening. i feel my mind like fingers grabbing for an answer.
(...)
it is not the point of the story to give up wanting. the point of the story is to remember to play.
what do i mean by alignment is everywhere? it is a though every cell in my body is hooked into a cosmic hose that grounds and elevates me simultaneously. alignment in everything i see shifts my focus to include all of life intermeshing into one gigantic pattern of movement - and i merge in it dance. the only reason i do not have this experience all the time is that my attention goes elsewhere.
we sit bisecting the studio and facing one end. this becomes the stage area. i stand behind the group and direct what i want to see happen with the aparsity of movements accumulated thus far.
"darling, you've got to keep revising downwards how much to expect." - alan gurganus, the oldest living confederate widow tells all
i want to use the voice as sound for the dance. include your perception of dying in the experience of making sound. each vocal moment lives and dies at once. one person produces a sound without planning it in advance. it is to be free of notes or content.
the others listen to where the sound originates, how it is delivered, and where it travels. after identifying its instantaneous history, anyone may join in response
note to myself: DH, go to vortex and sit in the theater.
in LAMB AT THE ALTAR/ The Story of Dance / Deborah Hay
(investigar mia slavenska)
(investigar: series of TEN CIRCLE DANCE, collect in the book Moving through the Universe in Bare feet.)
partitura: TRACTORES QUE VÃO ESCAVANDO ALEGREMENTE ATÉ AO OUTRO LADO DO DESERTO -
